you can't take my soul away from me

i keep most things to myself.

i have no qualms with sharing my opinion (examples being: "i hate your handwriting" and "i think 11am is too goddamn early for a rehearsal"). the only thing i have a problem with is sharing my feelings and thoughts and other intimate things because airing it all out makes me feel vulnerable. this is one reason why i have a lot of accquaintances but almost no close friends; i just can't open up to people. distancing people and keeping them at arm's length is almost a natural instinct because i don't want anyone to pry (but i still want them close, weird huh?)

you're probably wondering, if i'm so afraid, then why am i still writing here?

the answer is a little unorthodox. physically telling people things is different from blogging about them on the internet because it's intangible (to me at least). i need an outlet but i don't trust people, and i don't want them finding out about how i truly feel. and it's more impersonal this way. or maybe i'm just selfish, because all ideas lose their appeal once someone else knows and the novelty wears off.

it's the same with everything else. i used to handwrite all my stories/music when i was younger; now i type them all out or keep the ideas floating inside my head. i can't deal with having people know.


now, imagine my desperation when my laptop fucking broke.