get over yourself

"new year, new start" has always been a load of bullshit in my book. they make it sound like you can banish all the things you regret doing in the past year just because the clock struck twelve, but as if it's ever that easy (if it were, then nobody would regret anything in the long run now, would they?). then they make you think of resolutions, but how many of us actually remember - let alone manage to fulfill - any of them?

here's how i deal with unpleasant past experiences: i sink into a state of almost catatonic depression; no going out, no eating, no nothing. this arguably doesn't constitute as dealing, per se, but the warped reasoning behind this is that, depending on how bad my actions were at the time, i deserve to feel even worse, or something along those lines. i get this masochistic satisfacion out of beating myself over, which i'm not gonna delve into it because even i know its unhealthy. this can last from days to months, and apparently nothing can pull me out of this horrible slump until i get back home to hong kong.

(funny how the place i so desperately tried to run away from turns out to be my only safe haven, but that's a story for another day.)

one small thing i learnt last year, though, is to not regret anything. shit happens - sometimes for a reason, but more oftentimes not - and while this doesn't justify making mistakes, i find that this kind of thinking helps lessen the proverbial blow. you can't help something that's already been done, so why bother dwelling on things you can't change? that's not to say that i don't indulge myself with thinking of all the what-ifs and could-have-beens, but with time, i'll be able to forgive myself and joke about all the bad decisions i've made (because hey, if you can't joke about it, you're not over it). some people call this growth; i call this extra conversation fodder.

bottom line: everybody fucks up. just don't do it again. and bad decisions make for the greatest stories later, so embrace them instead of letting them define you for the rest of the year.

… this entire post has been me coming to terms with how much i fucked up last year, so when i say that i'm talking from experience, i totally mean that i'm talking out of my ass here.